Okay. So you’ve probably been wondering why I haven’t kept to my word and uploaded last Wednesday. Well, I have a perfectly good reason for that; I was on a media fast with a group of people from church. And yes, I do consider blogging a type of social media, which is why I kept away from it last week. But fret not, I’m back and my fingers are aching to type something down.
Now this post isn’t going to be another book review or book goal. It’s going to be a tad bit more personal so I hope you don’t mind.
I’m turning seventeen this year, which means it’s another milestone in my life, where I move on from Secondary school. Which, although made up only 4 years of my education, also made up my adolescent years. It was where I grew and learnt many things, and not just from textbooks. I wouldn’t say I’ve been through a lot, but at my age, it sure feels like it. I was one of the people who knew many people and had a large pool of friends. But I was also one of the people who had a small group of close friends and an even smaller group of best friends. I’m not exactly complaining, but I sometimes wonder if those few people are really what I would consider best friends.
I have two best friends from school. Both of which I haven’t seen or spoken to since results day, which was a month ago. I’d say that’s a pretty long time, given that we could have communicated through texting. But you see, we could have. And we didn’t. I wonder if it’s my fault sometimes.. that I don’t take that first step to ask how they’re doing, or when we should meet up. Then I start to think about the other best friends they have, and wonder if it’s their fault. Or perhaps it’s nobody’s fault and we’re just going through the motion of life. It’s pretty sad, because I can already foresee the future of us; we simply stop talking. We keep waiting for the other person to send the first text to kick start a conversation, but it never happens.
That’s where I feel conflicted. A part of me hates to see that happen and wants to prevent it from happening at all costs. But another small part of me has already let go of whatever scraps I think I’m holding onto.
Does that make me a bad person? I question how much I treasure these friendships sometimes. If it makes me horrible that I don’t seem to think it’s that worth it to go an extra mile. Sure, I love them. It’s just that, maybe, I don’t love them enough.
Other times, I tell myself that it’s alright, that these things happen all the time. And that I still have other friends from childhood to lean on. But that doesn’t change the fact that those were friendships forged and lost. And I can’t help but admit that it hurts. Just a little bit.
But hey, I’m only seventeen. I have a whole life ahead of me. Sometimes, it’s just best to let things be and let things go. You don’t have to carry an extra baggage in your life when you can receive something a whole lot better. And that’s when I know everything’s going to be alright.